09, 04, 2012

Ditching a Toxic Friendship

Most of us have found and moulded our friendships that we still have to this day from elementary school and high school. And as life goes on, everyone graduates/gets jobs, and eventually some of you lose touch with each other. However, there are the few that you at least try to see regularly or on the little free time you have. With these friends that you do continue to grow with sometimes things change along the way too, and they often do. Into your 20s you are developing as a young adult figuring out your needs and wants constantly. There are a few friends I needed a break from or in some cases just had to drop. It is a weird feeling knowing this friend you once couldn’t get enough of and shared so many experiences with just isn’t doing it for you anymore. We use this excuse of, “but I’ve known them forever,” to try to convince ourselves this is why we should keep them in our lives. We keep this debate and just stick it out, but the fact is we are making it worse on ourselves, and it’s also unfair to your friend that you feel this way about. They might think everything is ok but behind their back you’re complaining about them to others. So first things first, talk to your friend and if that doesn’t help and things just aren’t going to work out…you need to dump them. I mean with any type of dumping, they are no pretty results (literally).

It took me a long time to decide to dump a friend or not. I was a “but I’ve known them forever” person. But just weighting out the pros and cons helped clear my mind. How does she benefit in my life? What has she done for me recently? Does she make me feel great about myself? Why does she annoy me so much now? What changed…or didn’t? I also kept in mind that I might lose more than one friend from this since we shared the same friends. Yea I know it sounds pretty shallow but it’s the cold hard truth. We’re scared of not belonging somewhere or having no one and that’s perfectly normally. But if you choose to keep putting up with it when you know it’s not good you’re just lying to yourself. I did have to give up a lot after my friend break-up, but I felt as if a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders and that I could move on. The friendship was always on and off, and it was a continuous feeling of stress having to look out for her and giving advice she rarely or never took. I was emotionally drained. If you feel stress from a friendship you need to get the hell out. But in seriousness even if I was the one who broke it off it still affected me emotionally. I did just loose a friend that I thought would be there till the day I die…or she dies (lol). Just tell yourself that there is nothing wrong with change. What kind of person ever wants to be in an unhealthy relationship anyways? If you have an instinct that something doesn’t feel right you should listen and do something about it. These are some warning signs that shouldn’t be ignored: A good friend would never…

  • Give you backhanded compliments. Friendships should be about respect and support for one another. A true friend would never make you feel as if you’re not good enough.
  • Not look out for your best interest. If they don’t care what you do and let you do something stupid when they know it’s stupid themselves, they’re in it for the drama and to see you go down. Dump them immediately.
  • Keep conversations one-sided. I think we’ve all encountered the “me show” type of friends who rarely ask questions about you and go on yapping about themselves. You know more about them than they do know about you.
  • Backstab. This is a big one. Trust is a huge issue, so if you’re friend is talking behind your back they sure as hell don’t respect you.

I know, it’s easier said than done. If you’re unsure, you can gradually create a space between you both. And if your friend notices then go on to explain how you feel. Hey, it might actually work out but if not and they don’t come to acknowledge your feelings then it’s another sign you need to evaluate again or even end your friendship. But to end things on a “good term” (*wink*), the truth is you grow up and realize that this person just isn’t a part of this stage in your life anymore. When it comes down to it genuine friends will bring out the best in you.

Image via fanpop.com

One response to “Ditching a Toxic Friendship”

  1. sjolano says:

    Reblogged this on Sheryl Bit By Bit and commented:
    i love this.

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